By Dustin and Daniel

Welcome to our first duel review in a long ass time. A duel review is similar to a group review, but with only two people. I’ll be honest I never know which duel/dual to use… pick the one you like better. Anyway, Daniel and Dustin will give their thoughts on Dark Nights: Metal #1 along with their individual scores! It’s like two reviews… get it?

Synopsis: All the “Meta’s” are “Metal’s” and Batman is from an evil bat tribe.

DANIEL: 2/5

I don’t know how I feel about this book. I think I went into it expecting to hate it more than I actually did. And by saying this, I am not saying that I liked it. I’m saying that I don’t know how I feel about it. On the one hand, as a rule, I hate “events.” I mean, look at it, we’re facing a story that is about to cross over twenty-five issues of various titles and one-shots. And just thinking about that this thing seems fucking exhausting. It makes me think what’s the point? It makes me think that I shouldn’t even bother.

Honestly, though, while I was reading Dark Nights Metal #1 I just couldn’t get myself to care about what was happening. I think even more so than “events” I’m getting sick of these huge end-of-the-world, completely-change-everything-that-came-before-it stories. These secret history and continuity shattering mysteries. Dark Nights Metal #1 is at least more centrally focused than The Forge and The Casting that came before it, but I still couldn’t completely lose myself in it. There wasn’t any one thing that stood out that was make or break for me. Other than the fact that it was kind of boring and kind of just, I don’t know, is cliched the right word? I’m going to give it the benefit of the doubt, for the time being, considering there are still 20+ issues to go on this fucking thing. But I will say that I don’t know if I have it in me to follow it to the end. I figure I’ll give it a few more issues, at least. I feel like Snyder’s a writer that knows what he’s doing. I won’t say I completely trust him, but I’ll give him a little more than probably any other writer if they were trying to tell this story.

I like Capullo’s art. It’s always solid and enjoyable. But I still, I don’t know, found myself kind of bored here. There’s nothing overtly wrong with the art, but it didn’t seem to take any risks. It’s safe art if that makes sense.

All in all, my review’s kind of a wash. I was expecting to feel more after reading this. I was expecting enjoyment or anger – probably anger, though, let’s be honest – but I didn’t feel either emotion. I didn’t feel anything. I just finished the book and said okay. Which is probably the worst way to feel after reading a book. This is something that just didn’t leave an impression on me.

DUSTIN: 1/5

If you thought for even one second that I found any part of this confusing mess of storytelling cool, then think again. None of the surprises were that surprising and seeing Voltron Justice League didn’t make me pop for joy, but rather think that DC and Snyder were pulling an OG Secret Wars with this title. How many toys can we move? Okay, let’s put it in the book… sure it won’t make a lick of goddamn sense, but do it anyway!

The story… is all over the place. Who the fuck knows what leads into this and what comes from it. The Justice League are idiots that suddenly trust Batman 100% instead of finding him to be the most untrustworthy among them. Which Batman exploits constantly. Especially when he steals some Nth metal to study, even after being told all the answers, he’s been searching for… or something.

Also, I guess the fucking Multiverse wasn’t big enough for DC because they let Snyder pull a Grant “Universe Destroyer” Morrison and create a fucking Dark Multiverse. DC better have some fucking fun plans for that shit because all I heard was, “break the continuity again!” At this point, I don’t even care about continuity, but I find it strange that they do and yet continue to find new ways to make it harder for themselves.

As for Batman… is he supposed to be the most unlikable dick in the universe? Because he is. I get that he’s obsessed with this case, even though he shows no signs of being a detective, but he fucks over the Justice League every chance he gets. It’s stupid, weird and off-putting. It reminds me of the first arc of All Star Batman, which is as far as I got in the series, where Batman was just doing un-Batman like shit throughout the entire book. Same here, I don’t even know why he’s wearing a costume since everyone is practically on a first name basis with him. Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne… Oh, sorry I mean Batman.

As for the artwork. I’m going to go ahead and say that I’m not a fan of Greg Capullo’s art anymore. So much of this looks rushed and just, blah. Shadows, more of them. This book is bright as fuck for having “Night” in the title. It’s more like Dark Afternoon. Also, after Capullo’s first stint on Batman I never wanted to see him illustrate the rest of the DC Universe, too bad that’s ruined because that’s what he does here and it’s not stunning or amazing, but rather disappointing. When the team is revealed in their armor, rather than being awe-inspiring, it was dull and bland looking. The designs were not exciting or very original. There is one great shot of Superman’s taint. The rest of the anatomy is all twisted and fucked up, but that taint shot was glorious.

My last gripe is that if you’re going to have Batman say, “Kick his ass” then don’t cut away from the “Ass” part. It wasn’t a fun, interactive moment between me and the comic book but instead seemed like a strange attempt to keep the story open to all ages, when it’s very clearly meant for an older crowd.

The only thing I liked worse than this issue was seeing the long ass schedule that DC has planned for this series. It officially ends in February of next year… I guess DC didn’t get that memo that no one wants to read an event for that long. You get two months, get your shit in and get it done. It’s a hard pass from me.

Dark Nights: Metal #1
DC Comics