Review: 47 Ronin

47 Ronin is a film that struggles to decide what it is. It is very much so two movies in one; on the one hand there is the story of the 47 Ronin a story so old and well-known in Japan that it has a cliché attached to it that goes: To know the story of the 47 Ronin, is to know the story of Japan. The movie actually includes this saying in their film at the very beginning during an awkward opening that resembled 300 more than it did the rest of the film. This was a mistake as it sets the precedence that the movie is going to tell that story, but so many liberties are taken along with all the changes made to fit the second aspect of our film into the same world. As I said this is a two-in-one film and so now we know the first part, the 47 Ronin, and as for the second… Keanu Reeves. Not only is everything about Reeves’ storyline completely out-of-place, but he is bigger than the movie or at least according to the cover for the home release which has his name floating above the title. I wish I was exaggerating when I say that Reeves is the entire second movie, but I’m not. With the inclusion of his character are all the fantasy elements that never quite fit with the story and fight against the fairly decent tale of the 47 Ronin that’s going on whenever Reeves isn’t on the screen.

What is the story of the 47 Ronin? Well in this version there are two lords: an old lord with a prosperous kingdom and a young lord whose land seems to always be covered in darkness.  The young lord works with a sorceress to shame the old lord in front of the Shogun, the result is the old lord committing Seppuku to retain his and his people’s honor. The young evil lord gets his land and his grieving daughter (after a convenient one-year mourning period). The old lord’s samurai become Ronin (samurai without masters) and their leader is thrown in a hole for the entire year until a few days before the wedding. He gathers the remaining samurai and they plot to kill the young lord and regain their master’s true honor. Oh and possibly return sunshine to the land?

Interesting right? In fact I bet you're wondering why Keanu is even involved in the movie and where they fit all the fantasy elements of the film. And what about that Pirate with the skull tattoo on his face??? What’s up with that guy?!? He’s in the movie for maybe thirty seconds and he just asks what someone is looking for… that’s it.

47-Ronin-MainNT-dropKeanu plays a half-breed that was raised by Tengu (forest demons of Japanese lore) that escaped after not wanting their life of killing to be the only thing he knew. Well now he’s a bad-ass killer and that’s actually all he does when he's not being beaten by the people he's trying to help. He falls in love with the old lord’s daughter and her with him. He’s treated like shit because he’s a half-breed even though everything he does and I mean everything he does, is for the lord and the people.

Keanu’s story feeds into the main story because they suddenly need him after shunning him for so many years. They use him to get swords which they have to get from the Tengu who look like alien bug creatures dressed like Buddhist monks. This journey to obtain the most powerful swords in the land replaces planning, strategy and money from the original story so you can probably guess how important it is to the overall plot of the film… not very. The swords that can cut through whatever you want are never brought up again except for a joke after their attained.

Here’s the real kicker of the story… the fantasy elements work with the exception of the Tengu. The CG for the film was actually some of the most impressive CG I’ve viewed in a live-action film. The sorceress receives a heavy amount of it when she changes forms, but there’s also a few other creatures shown along the way. Had that been the only addition the film would have been far better.

As it goes in Hollywood everything needs star power and though Reeves has been box office poison as of late, they still mashed him into the film. The silliest part is that they don’t let him act. Say what you want about the man’s performances over the years, he can actually act. Instead they barely let him talk and you could describe his mannerisms as “scared child” they’re that generic. As it stands the only actor to give a decent performance was Rinko Kikuchi (Pacific Rim). Her performance as the sorceress (credited as Witch) was a great addition to the story. She steals every scene that she’s in and continues to do so even after her character’s motivation stops making sense. As for Hiroyuki Sanada, the real star of the film as he has the bulk of the screen time, his performance is slightly better than the one he gave in The Wolverine. The story for his character was devoid of the range that the original tale had for his character which is the real shame. Think of it as if his character was asked only to make pizza and he makes great pizza, but then they come to him and say “okay now make just cheese pizza.” Well he makes a good cheese pizza, but we all know that it really means “safe and for everyone.”

It would honestly be interesting to see a new edit of this film in which Keanu Reeves is mostly cut out thus reducing his role to a minor support role. At that point I think the story of the 47 Ronin would actually pop and the beautiful CG could be appreciated. Somehow I don’t see that happening and so a potentially good movie will remain average at best.

Score: 3/5

Director: Carl Rinsch Writers: Chris Morgan, Hossein Amini Studio: NBC Universal Run Time: 119 Minutes

Life Support: Episode 5 - The Book of Questions

We've got a special treat for you today on Life Support. Dustin, Erin are joined by their good friend Jason Beckham who is Kevin's brother. We're reading from Gregory Stock's The Book of Questions which has a variety of... well questions. We had a lot of fun with this episode and hope that you enjoy the four of us having a long chat about some serious things and some not so serious things. Life Support - Episode 5 Book of Questions

Here's our past episodes as well in case you'd like to catch up! Thanks for listening!

FX Releases Two New Teaser Trailers For The Strain

I hope you're not a afraid of shit in your eye because one of these trailers involves the eye! I mean I can't touch my own eye, but Ace Ventura: Pet Detective 2 broke me of being creeped out when others touch theirs. What were we talking about? Oh yeah The Strain, looks real good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbq75-zPwww

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvnsZcq3Nto

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Review: Frankenstein’s Army

Written by guest contributor Brian Roe

There are times when it is perfectly acceptable to be a film snob. When you’re discussing truly great films or even mediocre films that could have been great in an attempt to peel back all of the layers of symbolism and sub-text to truly discover the exquisite core of shared experience that is only possible through the sublime medium of film, then being a snob is fully justified.

Other times it makes you a jack-ass that is incapable of enjoyment because you’re too busy trying to engorge your own ego because you’ve secretly realized that you’re a jealous, embittered failure.

Frankenstein’s Army needs no great critique. It is a carnival ride that delivers the goods in such a fast paced and constant way that it never stops to allow you to ponder too much on what is actually happening. It keeps moving and that is one of its strengths.

Russian advanced scouts invading Germany near the end of World War 2. You’ve got the kind but tough leader, the noble guy, the rapey guy, the silent but deadly sniper guy, the tough bad-ass barbarian guy, and the kid. And behind a constantly running camera, a documentarian intent on recording all of the action even if it means taking truly ridiculous risks to get the shot. You’ll be looking through this camera for the next 84 minutes so it’s a blessing that it seems to be held steady most of the time.

Frankensteins-ArmyThe Russians soon find themselves in a seemingly abandoned town that has some odd corpses and weird rusting weaponry lying around. Some of the atrocities shock even these hardened fellows but they keep going further into enemy territory in an attempt to help a besieged Russian unit. But all is not even close to how it seems and the soldiers soon find themselves neck-deep in weird war strangeness when they run across a disturbed doctor from the Frankenstein family and his chop-shop menagerie.

First person films can really be a pain to watch but director Richard Raaphorst and cinematographer Bart Beekman keep things moving but not nauseating. The camera view helps to make this an exciting ride in other ways. It conveys a sense of claustrophobia in tight spaces, it creates a sense of detachment from the other soldiers, and it makes the viewer feel that they really have no effect on any of the battle scenes. This isn’t a first person shooter simply because you don’t have a weapon. Another important technique of the camera view is to sweep around a scene and just give a brief flash of a threat and then hide it again, until of course it comes thundering back into frame. It also has the inevitable forward motion of a ride like the viewer is being pulled along by an unseen chain. Instead of this being a distraction it actually makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the craziness.

And one of the best parts of this craziness is the excellent monster design by Raaphorst  himself that seems to have come from the fevered imagination of a kid with a bunch of monster toys and a box of military models and a lot of free time. Bits are swapped and chopped to create over-the-top creatures that seem both ridiculous and terrifying.  Bits of Nazi iconography are skillfully added to the creations to really send the message that these are the bad guys. Combine these designs with some eerie set pieces and gut churning gross outs and it makes for a fun, practical effect filled horrorshow.

There is something a bit unsettling about Frankenstein’s Army that has nothing really to do with Frankenstein himself or any of his creations. It’s the way that the Russian soldiers, supposedly our protagonists, abuse and dehumanize the German civilians that they come across. For a group of men who seem obsessed with keeping their own families safe they also have no problem being big-huge bastards to everyone they come across. There is a bit of symbolism in all this. Who’s worse, the crazy scientist who chops up people and sews them back together like pieces of meat, or the violent ideologues who use their hatred to dehumanize the enemies of their own country?

Oh well, war is hell. Just sit back and watch the movie.

Score: 4/5

Director: Richard Raaphorst Writer: Miguel Tejada-Flores Studio: Entertainment One/Dark Sky Films Run Time: 84 Minutes

TMNT 2014 Shit: Brother Spot Reveals Splinter... Same Mask Joke

Well something happened after that first trailer was released because Johnny Knoxville was brought in to be the voice of Leonardo... which doesn't lift my boycott of the film. Also Splinter was recast as Tony Shalhoub... but I didn't recognize his voice in the trailer. Really I just wanted to see why Splinter looked like and it was pretty whatever. Fuck this movie still. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKj86rl4gPQ

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Review: Ghost Wolf #1

Legends and myths are born from stories of old. Cultures pass them down from generations to generations. This is one story of a tribe who lost their stories, but there is one who still believes and we'll see how far his beliefs will go. At a time where beast and man spoke the same language, a wolf and a man hunted  each other. They ended up fighting for a day trading blow for blow. Finally the wolf was worse off than the the man so with every last ounce of strength he was about to destroy the wolf... when he couldn’t. Instead he started to care for the wolf bringing him back to health. During this the horrors rose from the shadows. They asked the man to flee and leave the wolf but he didn't. The wolf and the man fought side  by side fighting for their world. In the end it was a victory but not without a cost. The wolf asks the man to take his fur and let his soul become one with the man.  And a legend was born from this.

Our hero hears this story from his grandfather listening intently when they are attacked. A cannibal ravages through the tribe and taking our young hero. The belief in the Ghost Wolf keeps his spirit up. Later the cannibals are attacked and our young hero comes face to face with a legend and myth.

Many years later our hero and his tribe are captured again and rounded up like cattle. As his people are chained and lead to slaughter he keeps the story and legend alive by reciting it over and over.  Many have become wary of the tale as it means nothing.  His whole tribe has been captured for Kerunnos the soul eater aka the leader and of the cannibals.  One of the cannibals over hear the story of the Ghost Wolf and challenges him to save him from a spear. Our hero takes this opportunity to flee comics across the altar of the Ghost Wolf.

AmigoGhostWolf01This is a great story that brings alive a new mythological time. It blends the myths where men and beast are gods and the forgetfulness of the those stories and beliefs. I quite enjoyed it really the second and third time rereading to get the aspect of the whole book. I usually don’t enjoy books with mostly narrative blocks instead of dialogue, but it works because it has the feel of a story being retold to be passed down. You can feel the storyteller's perspective of the story.

I love the art in the prologue, it was great and brings the action off the page. The details make it feels like two gods are going at it. The strength shows through and you can even feel the hair. After that I was a little let down with the art in the main story. Its less detailed and draped heavy in shadows. This may help with the depressed feeling of being downtrodden. It feels the detail were only left for the main panels that only have one or two panels on them.

This is a good book to pick up for the story of a new myth. The art between the prologue and the actual story will let you down a little. But finding a new mini series my be worth it and has me for at least one more.

Score: 3/5

Writer: El Torres Artists: Luis Czerniawski, Siku Publisher: Amigo Comics Price: $3.99 Release Date: 4/16/14 Format: Mini-Series, Print/Digital

Review: Shotgun Wedding #2 & 3

Well it looks like reviewing weekly titles is not my strong suit so let’s catch up before the final issue of Shotgun Wedding releases. Now I definitely enjoyed the first issue, enough to come back and read the next two, but there’s something familiar about it. It’s not Kill Bill before you shout that from your lungs. I know, weddings and assassins makes everyone think of that movie, but I actually just rewatched most of the two films this week and no, it’s not that. It does scream screenplay though and maybe that’s why it feels familiar. The pacing is that of a buck forty-five film rather than a four-part comic. That’s not to say that the comic isn’t successful in this form, but it is pulling at the *gutters for a bigger playground.

ShotgunWedding02_CoverIn the second issue, Chloe our violent mentally disturbed ex-fiancé of Mike discovers via an associate of hers that he’s attempting to get married again. As with the first issue, there are two parts of the story: the present and the past. In the past story line we actually learn a little about Chloe and Mike’s relationship as they’re on a mission to kill a target that sells women and children into sex slavery until they die. Dude is fucked up for sure, but he also knows they’re coming and gets the drop on them. He tortures Chloe and Mike of course until coming up with an offer for Chloe. He’s invested money into knowing about her and has learned how much she likes to kill. Mike on the other hand, he knows will never talk and die for his country. Chloe is asked to do odd jobs for the man known as “The Turk” and once the government finds out about her extracurricular killings he’ll protect her… oh and Mike gets to live.

In the third issue the wedding is in full swing and Chloe and her four associates are stopping in to make things interesting. Chloe had the chance to kill Mike already, but that wasn’t good enough for her. No she had to let him know it was her. In the past story line for this issue we see how Mike and his new fiancée Denise meet and you begin to understand how Mike was able to move on and attempt marriage again. Frankly if my crazy ex had murder my father on my wedding day after I didn’t show up… well I would probably just do the courthouse thing or causal dating.

What I thought was interesting was that you do actually feel bad for Chloe. She makes a terrible choice just to save Mike and it’s possibly the reason he shuns her later. We don’t 100% know why he broke up with her which is part of the reason I keep coming back to the story. Chloe’s associates also bring some interest to the world as it shows its depth. They look like badass characters and their “deal” isn’t 100% explained either, other than they all work for The Turk and two of them plan on killing Chloe after she takes out Mike.

The writing is sharp and the story is always on the move. In that sense I can see why it’s weekly, but I think the book would have been just as successful as a monthly mini as well. Especially when it seems like the advertising behind it being a weekly was just a blurb one time. It’s why weekly books just don’t work anymore, there’s never enough press behind them and they end up getting shafted and deserve better.

ShotgunWedding03-CoverThe art is the reason this book is so entertaining. The story is well-plotted and the dialogue is kind of typical to the genre, but the art makes everything pop. Chloe’s new look makes her look deranged and you can see that she’s aged compared to her replacement Denise. As for the rest of the characters no two are alike. When the wedding guests are show there is a diverse crowd represented with young and old, average and peculiar looking people.  We’ve all been or had weddings so we know that there’s always a mixed bunch of people and that’s perfect represented here.

As for the action in the series, Edward Pun makes it look easy. Now the writing gets some credit here for sure because I can think of a bunch of comic writers that direct the illustrator to draw the beginning of the fight and the ending, but rarely anything in-between other than poses for them to put talk bubbles by. William Harms could have done that, but instead he lets Pun run with it and produce some awesome action scenes.

I like action based stories in my comics. It’s part of the reason I enjoyed what 12 Gauge Comics was doing with their all action titles so Shotgun Wedding is a welcomed surprised; especially being that it’s from Top Cow’s Minotaur Press imprint. At this point if you missed out on the series you have some catching up to do, but I would say that it’s worth the time, effort and money to invest. Sure you may want to wait until next week to snatch up all four issues or give yourself a heads start and build that excitement some. Either way, check this series out if you love pure action stories playing out on your comic pages.

Score: 4/5

Writer: William Harms Artist: Edward Pun Publisher: Top Cow/Minotaur Press Price: $3.99 each Release Date: 4/9 – 4/16/14 Format: Mini-Series, Print/Digital

*Gutters = The blank area between comic panels

Review: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders EP. 2: Who Will Be the Judge

It looks like it’s business as usual for JoJo, even after he’s learned that he is in possession of a powerful Stand (a ghostlike entity that kicks all kinds of ass) and he is fated to fight the most evil mofo on the planet named DIO (the man, not the band), has return and possessed his grandfather’s grandfather body…anywho it’s off to school. On the way to class JoJo is praised by six of his female classmates who all happen to think that JoJo is a hunky dreamboat. So much so they begin to bicker in a humorous fashion until JoJo shuts them up. As JoJo makes it down the stairs he suddenly receives a massive laceration on his knee from out of the blue and begins to tumble down a ridiculous amount of steps. Before he hits, he used his Stand ability to catch himself.

Then we are introduced to Noriaki Kakyoin, a man who also possesses a Stand of his own named, Heirophant Green. Who can possess people and unleash an Emerald Rain attack as his main method of attack.

Now in the nurse’s office, JoJo is having his leg tended to. As JoJo prepares himself to receive treatment the nurse starts to act strange. JoJo notices a ghostly tentacle draping down the nurse’s leg. He surveys the room and sees Noriak chilling in the window sill using his Stand’s abilities to control the nurse. The two men square off, destroying the nurse’s office in the process.

The second episode of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders Episode entitled, “Who Will Be the Judge” slows everything down for about a second. Then it gives you the first real dose of Stand on Stand action that you’ve be waiting for. The battle between Noriaki Kakyoin and JoJo is pretty entreating and while it doesn’t blow the roof off the place it does an excellent job in easing the viewer into the physic that comes along with doing battle via a Stand.

Another take away was the color pallet changing while the two men were battling. It adds to the drama and actually put a sense of urgency into the fight. It gave a Manga type of feel that was very cool to witness. Sure you knew that JoJo was going to win with him being a novice with his Stand but how would the encounter change him? Will he improve with the Stand or will he be a slave to it almost how Noriaki was portrayed?

A running gag is how shitty JoJo treats his mother; I mean this guy is a real dick to her. Maybe he’s just an ass to women in general, he did go off on the girls at his school and he was pretty short with the nurse too. But for some reason it’s mildly amusing and does show some evolution as it put that touch of humanity to JoJo and keeps him from being an unbearable pompous bad ass that has to be cool all of the time.

Overall the second episode of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders is a good one, it gives you an exciting and flashy opening to get you pumped but most importantly it keeps the story moving along nicely and slowly peels back more to reveal the crazy and thrilling world of six foot diesel looking guys with ghost powers kicking each other’s ass. What more do you need?

Score: 4/5

Directed by: Naokatsu Tsuda, Kenichi Suzuki

Written by: Yasuko Kobayashi

Studio: David Production

Release Date: 4/4/14 – Ongoing

Review: Monty’s World #4

Continuing with our coverage of Monty’s World is the last issue in the anthology. This final issue offers a preview at three series that will be coming from Will Lill later this year and all three are very different from each other. Once again I’m going to talk about the first and last story, but the second story “Mercury” is an interesting look on the take of heroes and anti-heroes. I’m only skipping it because summing it up wouldn’t really get the point across, but it’s definitely worth reading. The concept of the first story is freaking awesome. It’s called C.J. Walker, Bounty Hunter and of course is about a bounty hunter. What’s different about this world and story is that Detroit has been taken over by cosplayers. The concept of a cosplayer is different in this world; here it’s someone that has gone through extensive surgery to be the character of their dreams. There’s definitely some sci-fi/fantasy elements to the story as some people have super strength and what not. I really dug that concept.

The story is about C.J. as she’s looking for a woman cosplaying as a vampire and wanted for several murders. It seems simple, but C.J. quickly runs into cosplayers looking to jump her and others looking to prove their strength. Her target spots her and runs away, but what happens next is… strange. It’s a cool story though. I liked C.J.’s narration and the art was consistent. The cosplay was more on the safe side so you won’t see a lot of recognizable characters, but again that element and really the entire world is very interesting and entertaining.

montys_world04_dig.inddThe last story is called American Guard and it’s about a superhero of the same name. The catch is that he’s lost his memories. He’s chasing down a lead about the Crimson Wizard which is the man behind his amnesia. He runs into the Canadian Guard and they have a small fisticuffs moment.

The story was alright. I liked the characters and the twist to the story, but I didn’t understand how they were both apart of the Guard network without the Canadian Guard knowing who the American Guard was. Might just be a “we never met” situation, but it was still a strange hiccup in an otherwise interesting and entertaining story.

Good anthologies provide some of the best comics to read. Short-style stories are always difficult to make interesting, but when they’re done right you’re able to digest small bits of larger stories or just short and complete tales. Personally I always have time to check out an anthology and was very pleased with Monty’s World.

Score: 4/5

Writers: Jonathan A. Gilbert, Lloyd Smith Jr., John Helmer Artists: Lee Melton, Seppo Makinen, Paul Moore Publisher: Will Lill Comics Price: $3.50 – Print, $0.99 – Digital Release Date: 4/16/14 Website

Review: Monty’s World #3

Will Lill Comics has made a niche of sorts by producing anthology comics; in a way they are using the same formula as Dark Horse Comics Presents in which they introduce and then spinoff the stories in to their own series. Now those series have yet to debut because the anthology is still running. There are three stories in this issue, but I’m going to focus on the first story and the last. The second story The Exiles is part three of a series and is the majority of the issue. The first story “John Kirby: Firefox” has taken me the longest to talk about. The reason being that I wanted to be able to say more than just “it’s Green Lantern inspired.” There’s nothing wrong with that of course because A) I like Green Lantern and B) it has elements, but isn’t an exact copy at all. Still, that didn’t seem like a fair comparison. Then it dawned on me while reading Champions of Earth earlier in the week, that there are other stories that use the alien crashing to earth story structure. One that came to mind for this tale was Boom’s Soldier Zero in which an alien life merges with a human life. That’s the case here as Firefox crashes to earth and needs a new host. The closest person is John Kirby a farmer just trying to get by. The alien merges, but something goes wrong as the alien doesn’t take over his host which is usually the case. John comes out of his Firefox form and has no idea what’s happened other than the fact that his farm is trashed.

I really liked the concept of this tale and would definitely be interested in seeing where it goes. I’m not sure if the “Kirby” in John Kirby’s name is homage to Jack Kirby, but it was cool either way. The writing and dialogue we very solid and the art was a great fit for the story. Again there is something about Will Lill tiles that have a classic and yet modern vibe to them. I like it… a lot.

montys_world03dig.inddSkipping to the last story “The Battle of Dulce” I will give my best attempt at doing the story justice while not spoiling it at the same time. It’s told in a round; which means the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. Usually I hate stories that do this because it’s a cop-out to starting the story properly, but if ever there was an example of how to use a round it’s The Battle of Dulce. There’s a reason that it starts where it does and ends where it does because it’s relevant to the story.

The story itself begins with a man dying in the desert; he looks like a solider of some kind as he stumbles looking for help. Burns cover his body, but he looks as if he’s just been wandering aimlessly through the desert near a reservation. An Indian on the way the reservation finds him and helps him up asks what happened. The man mumbles, “Seven feet tallgrays… war.” A confusing sentence that will make sense by the end of the story.

The strength of this tale is both the story and the art. The narration gives us a complete picture of the events, but the art doesn’t always show the narration. It’s not actually needed and makes both elements more enjoyable because the narration is giving the reader more of the story and the art is able to focus on the impact of the rest of the story. The art was very detailed and photorealistic. I was instantly drawn to it because of how detailed and great it looked. All three tales are very good, but this one took the cake.

The Monty’s World anthology has been more of a superhero/adventure anthology whereas Grafix Chronicles is a sci-fi anthology. They focus on different genres, but they both have a high quality and care when it comes to their stories. Definitely check this issue out as it has three very entertaining stories for you to sink your teeth into.

Score: 4/5

Writers: T. Warren Montgomery, Lloyd Smith Jr. & Lonnie Weems, Steve Perry Artists: Lee Melton, T. Warren Montgomery, Steve Williams Publisher: Will Lill Comics Price: $3.50 – Print, $0.99 – Digital Website

Review: Armageddon #2

Not every story is going to be great. I know that’s kind of a shitty way to start this review, but it’s true. Armageddon was not a good read. The amount of story that takes place across its nineteen pages could have been greatly condensed and conveyed the same message. Part of me wondered if it was because I didn’t read the first issue, but I seriously doubt that based on the structure of this tale. The story follows a pure soul that somehow ended up in hell (that might be in the first issue, but it’s talked about a lot in this issue), but now he’s there and the devil wants to show that even a pure soul can be corrupted. I’m not sure how much it takes to show his corruption, but he kills demons mercilessly. He narrates and is torture and fights throughout the entire issue. Somehow he ends up on earth… or possible is always on earth? And comes across a woman about to be killed by two demons; later it’s revealed that the demons were attempting to kill her before the man and women met. That’s revealed after they have a long conversation with each other. She shows compassion to him and he doesn’t understand it and then they go their separate ways; him giving the classic, “stay away from me” and her of course longing for him.

The main character narrates the story and he seems just as confused as I was when reading the story. Even a simple line of narration saying how he got there would have been nice; the saying goes “every comic is someone’s first comic” and that really implies that you never know when someone is going to read a particular issue, so you can’t always count on them having read anything prior.

Armageddon #2I’m fairly certain that the story shows us possible future outcomes that the character sees and it muddles up the story. Mostly because it’s never really explained and the art never makes the distinction between reality and his visions. The result is what looks like a bunch of jump cuts in the story that may or may not have some relation to each other.

As many shortcomings as the story has, the art unfortunately has more. There is no consistency to the art. The main characters face is shown over and over on the several pages and your instincts as a reader informs you that it’s the same character, but your eyes will question what all these blonde haired men are doing hanging out in hell and why none of them have the same nose. A messed up nose isn’t that big of a deal, but when you show a close up on a characters face and it was either never drawn or the inking covered it with shadows from a light source that doesn’t exist… well it really breaks from anything the story was trying to do.

Maybe the story isn’t the bad and I was just distracted by the artwork, but in my opinion they were both struggling. The story struggles to get it’s point across and make the tired, oh so very tired, Armageddon storyline come across to the reader; while the art struggles to keep up and never really does.

I know that we promote independent comics a lot around here, we do like them, but that doesn’t mean that we love them all. Unfortunately Armageddon offered very little to love.

Score: 1/5

Writer: Nathan Wozniak Artist: Henry Simon Publisher: R-Comics Price: $0.99 Website

Review: Noah

Written by Guest Contributor: Jefferey Pinkos I know you know the myth of Noah.  Every little Judeo-Christian boy or girl hears it a bunch of , maybe through a Sunday school teacher, maybe through a broad strokes/primary colors cartoon.  And why not, it certain speaks to us at a level we understand.  A six-hundred year old man and his family lived a good, honest, humble existence out in the country, far away from the rabble and sin of the pre-diluvian cities, when the creative deity, fed up with mankind’s dickishness, said, “FINE,” and shook Earth’s Etch-A-Sketch clean.  Then, under divine mandate, Noah built an enormous boat called an ark, and stored two of every animal on earth on board, until the coast was clear and lived a happy uncomplicated existence, minus all the survivor’s guilt and the incest just around the corner necessary for species survival.  You know, grade level stuff.

That is, more or less, Aronofsky’s Noah.  Months ago when Paramount announced the epic of Noah, audience felt more or less baffled.  What more is there to tell?  Aronofsky couched the narrative within the familiar confines of sf/fantasy/the ever popular post-apocalypse cinematic language.  In fact, if I said that the first two-thirds was like The Road and later turned into an orc battle but with Transformers, it wouldn’t feel out of place.  Think less chintzy proselytizing of Cecil B. DeMille and more a metaphor on climate change by way of Cormac McCarthy.

The first two-thirds of Noah is what you might expect from a Sunday school lesson, only with a grimmer thematic and visual emphasis.  As the famous boatbuilder Russell Crowe looks good for six-hundred, a growling bear in his performance — tame and tender with his family, hiding a snarling mean interior.  He remains the final descendent of the lineage of Seth, the mysterious third child of Adam and Eve.  The rest of everyone — read: the dicks who die — are born from Cain — read: the dick child of Adam and Eve who killed Abel, the other child of Adam and Eve — and, accordingly, behave like a bunch of murderous, warmongering, rapemongering, sinmongering, pre-Sodom and Gomorrah dicks.  Don’t worry, though.  They all die.  (“FINALLY, BECAUSE OF GENOCIDE THE WORLD IS SAVED,” the creator said, totally wrong.)

noah_ver3He receives the Creator’s cryptic apocryphal word, confirmed by dear doddering grandpa Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins, who’s a doll).  He and his family begin building with the help of Watchers.  (“Who are the Watchers?” you may ask.  After the Adam and Eve’s expulsion from Paradise, a band of angels fall to Earth to help them out; and because the Creator was so pissed off, cast the fallen angels in the stony earth of their new home, forever doomed to look like that rock creature from Galaxy Quest.)

The day creeps closer and closer.  A band of scavengers led by the thoroughly British Tubal-cain (Ray Winstone) seeks passage on Noah’s party boat.  Denied, they promise to return in legion.  (Cue rain battle straight out of Tolkien.)  It’s about then when we come to Aronofsky’s meat and potatoes of the picture.  Mr. Aronofsky deals in desperation and obsession as currency in his work, and here Noah’s fanaticism sours on his family’s favors. Adoptive daughter Ila (Emma Watson) informs the family, “Ayo, we pregnant up in this,” Noah goes, “Gonna throw ‘em in the sea.”  Whaaat.  What it amounts to is the conviction of Noah’s faith.  Things are cool when we allowed children to drown — a point Tubal-cain rightly mentions — but murder one of our own and it’s weird.  He finally relents.  The rains stop and land is found and he becomes a drunken wreck; but he forgives himself and his family forgives him.  Love and mercy override faith, that’s the message, as the exploding rainbows the Creator issues declare.

Its pacing is peculiar, saving the interesting material for the last third of the movie, beginning with a somber retelling of a familiar myth.  However cool your CGI menagerie looks boarding, it looks silly.  Crowe’s performance is subdued to the point of appearing flat.  His hair delivers half the story.  (Bald : MMA HXC MF :: Harry Carey hair : OH NO WATCHOUT.)  The breakout performance is Jennifer Connelly as Naameh, the faithful wife of Noah and even faithfuller mother of their children.  She plays humility, passion, anger, and fear so well she often speaks on behalf of the plot.  When Noah gets all murdermad / survivor’s guilt, Naameh’s reactions are key to watch for.  It’s not the religious epic we expected, nor the one we deserve.

Score: 2/5

Director: Darren Aronofsky Writers: Darren Aronofsky, Ari Handel Studio: Paramount Pictures Run Time: 138 Minutes

Check out the review for the graphic novel... which fared about the same!

Now On Netflix: Robinson Crusoe on Mars

Written by guest contributor Brian Roe

Perhaps due to buzz surrounding Andy Weir’s The Martian, Netflix has recently added the 1964 film Robinson Crusoe on Mars to its online collection. While Weir’s book is an in-depth, realistic examination of one person attempting to survive alone on the surface of Mars, RCoM at first comes across as a standard mid-century pulp fantasy that plays out on desert sets decorated with vast amounts of styrofoam, papier-mache, and monkey mirkins.

First off don’t bother checking this movie out if you’re one of those CGI-elitists who can’t appreciate a movie just because the effects are more of a suggestion than a true visual representation of reality. But if you dig practical effects and clever use of low budget solutions RCoM has some greatness to it.

First of we’re treated to a very young and handsome Adam West as Colonel Dan McReady, the pilot of a gravity research ship that is heading to the planet Mars. And a monkey in a monkey-sized space suit that offers no practical protection to its simian wearer in any way. We’re also introduced to Commander Christopher 'Kit' Draper (Paul Mantee), a guy who presses some buttons and says some stuff. The opening section really makes it seem like McReady is the main character and will be the Robinson Crusoe of the title. But that’s wrong so don’t even think it.

The fellows have to avoid a meteor by firing retro rockets, always with the retro rockets, and it uses up their fuel and they have to abandon ship in little escape pods. Which never would have happened if they would have listened to the monkey. (Whose name is Mona by the way.)

The escape pods don’t do a very good job and McReady is killed on impact. Luckily Mona and Draper survive which is nice. Draper goes about setting up a cozy little cave home and finding out how to breathe and stuff on Mars. Standard stuff for the Robinson Crusoe/Castaway motif. Most of his equipment looks like old war surplus and although he has a cool nylon space suit and food in squeeze tubes some of his other survival gear is extremely lacking. Like the fact that his only way to start a fire is to use a book of matches from the Kailua Klub in San Diego. Jeeze NASA, I know there were budget cuts but give the guy a Zippo or something.

This was an independent film and although parts of it really suffer for the budget it’s also very clear that a lot of work and creativity went into imagining the various settings and atmospheric effects of Mars. Many of the vistas shown are matte paintings that would make great prog-rock album covers or paintings for the sides of custom vans.

A good part of the movie is taken up by Draper figuring things out and being super patriotic and stuff. He actually whistles Yankee Doodle Dandy and after he takes the time to invent bagpipes, because every world needs bagpipes, he walks around the desert while dragging the poor monkey around and plays (I Wish I was in) Dixie really badly.

Then the mood of the film changes abruptly when Draper discovers a group of space bad guys roughing up a group of slaves by shooting at them with classic War of The Worlds manta ray spaceships. Draper rescues one of the slaves and in a total dick move names him Friday and demands that he learn English. Victor Lundin, who plays Friday, would have been an awesome Conan the Barbarian and also played the first Klingon on Star Trek. He also wrote and performed a charming little ditty about RCoM that he performed at conventions. It’s on YouTube if you want to watch it for extra credit.

Although Draper drags Friday away to safety the bad guys are able to track the slave and seem to take great pleasure in blasting apart the surface of Mars in a vain attempt to destroy him. What begins as a bit of a light hearted romp suddenly has a real sense of urgency and dread as Draper attempts to remove Friday’s tracking shackles, or Trackles™, and Friday works to keep Draper alive.

It’s at this point that RCoM starts to really hit its stride. Unfortunately the relationship that develops between Draper and Friday, and Friday and Mona, happens too late in the film to really reach the depth that it could have. But it’s still a happy ending if not overly satisfying.

The same year that RCoM was released, Gene Roddenberry was pitching Star Trek to Desilu and would go one to create Martin Luther King Jr’s favorite TV show. Fans of the original Trek will appreciate the look and feel of this movie and how it acted as a bridge between the super fluffy space shows of the 1950s and the more culturally aware Star Trek.

This is fun movie and is quite enjoyable for those willing to take off their modern movie goggles and just watch it play out. It made me realize how much the movie Enemy Mine was inspired by RCoM and makes me wonder what the inevitable movie version of The Martian will look like. And other than some casual monkey torture and long range male nudity it’s a pretty safe movie for the younglings. Make some Jiffy Pop and enjoy.

Score: 4/5

Director: Byron Haskin Writers: Ib Melchior, John C. Higgins Studio: Paramount Pictures Run Time: 110 Minutes

Review: Drag Bandits

Drag Bandits was one of, oh hell I’m just going to say, IT WAS my favorite release of the week. That’s right, of all the books that released an 18th century Drag Queen bandit was my favorite. That is what the story is about, a man dressing up as a woman for the sole purpose of desire and robbing the rich. It’s simple, funny and oh so entertaining. Now I could be wrong about the era, the comic doesn’t exactly say, but it’s during a time in which men wore wigs and makeup just as much as women. Our main character Stephen just happens to like wearing a dress as well. The story kicks off with him holding up a rich dude by the name of Sir Charles Folwer Olgilvie. He… currently dress as a she if you forgot already, holds up Olgilvie and gives him the choice of his life or his money. Being a pompous rich dude Olgilvie picks death, but Stephen just robs him instead.

After Stephen gets away he heads home only to be discovered by his wife. Yes that’s right he’s in a loving relationship with a woman and she’s cool with it. She questions why he must use her best, sorry second best, riding habit but only because the color doesn’t suit him.

It’s the humor of the story that really hooked me. The jokes and the dialogue rarely focus on Stephen being in drag and when they do it’s never to look down on him. In fact the running gag is that his wife Louisa and their butler Jarvis already know about it. The supporting characters for this story are the best. Jarvis is very funny, but then so are Olgilvie’s goons that appear later. Even though you’d think Stephen would make you laugh he’s more of the straight man for the jokes as he sets up the other characters for humor. He still of course has his moments.

Drag Bandits CoverAnother aspect of the story that shined was Stephen and Louisa’s relationship. When she reveals that she’s aware of Stephen’s night time habits her demeanor towards him doesn't change. Even more she ends up embracing them herself. In their short conversations it establishes a supportive and caring relationship that so many other comics struggle to get across.

Colleen Frakes art was another big reason that I enjoyed this story. I’m trying to think of the best way to describe the art. In a way it looks like simple line drawings, but the execution is skilled, realistic and detailed to an extent. Clearly Frakes knew that the black & white art would be easier to follow and have a better style by taking the less is more approach. Frakes character designs also play a role in the humor and success of the story as well.

It looks like this issue is a collection of shorter chapters that all factor into one big story that ends up being the completed issue. With that said I don’t know if there will be more Drag Bandits, but if the creators had more to offer with the characters I would be definitely be interested. If they don’t then I can be happy with this one complete tale of greatness.

Right now you can pick this book up on Comixology via the Submit program which is where I discovered  it or you can pay a little more and get a print or digital copy from Retrofit Comics, we’ll link to both. Again I say this was my favorite comic of the week; it came out of nowhere and surprised me with its entertaining story and great sense of humor and it did it all with style!

Score: 5/5

Creators: Colleen Frakes & Betsey Swardlick Publisher: Retrofit Comics Price: $5.00 – Print, $2.00 – Digital, $0.99 – Submit Release Date: 4/16/14 Website Submit Link