Don't ask and don't tell, that's where we're going with this one. Why the fuck you'd want a Flash wrestling singlet is beyond me. Who the fuck is letting you wrestle for State in that huh? No one. If you wear it around the house everyone is just going to deny you food until the weigh in and no matter how many time you tell them you're wearing it just for fun; you're going to have water for dinner until you pass out.
If you're still hell-bent on buying one you can do so here.
I'll tell you two reasons why this footage was chopped from the movie: the first is that it would bum everyone the fuck out and the second because its long and boring. If it was a Captain America movie it would have been relevant and moved his character development forward, but it wasn't his movie. Is this damn thing out yet so I can stop seeing this? Enjoy.
Review by: Ed Allen Wow... Where do I even begin? Kuzimu is almost as awkward to review as it was to read at times. If that sounds cruel, it is deliberately so - if ever there was a graphic novel in need of some brutally honest criticism it is this one. I don’t mean that it’s an outright bad comic, but it does have flaws that can’t be ignored. When a creator’s work feels lazy I have no problem with taking it to pieces but when someone has poured so much of themselves into a comic as Brett Uren clearly has with this book I struggle because I don't want to be unfair to their dedicated efforts.
I suppose it’s best to start with a summary of what Kuzimu is ostensibly about: Pt’eros, a reptillian being is trapped in a spirit-world afterlife inspired by the Maasai culture (of eastern Africa) and is pursued by various forces who seek to manipulate or destroy him while he tries to find his way back into the world of the living. The story is drenched in mystery, pseudo-scientific concepts and imaginative body-horror.
The book suffers from a lack of direction until roughly halfway through; it wasn’t until page 96 that the central plot became apparent to me and though things did significantly improve after that point, the drawn out early stages reeked of self-indulgence. Things get significantly better as the book progresses but even the strongest of finishes cannot excuse such a beginning.
I found the first chapter to be a completely alienating experience. While I appreciate that the rules of storytelling are there to be broken, those first 27 pages were supposed to be crucial for drawing readers into the world, setting up the protagonists and antagonists, foreshadowing the conflicts to come and giving us the motivation we need to follow the journey ahead. Kuzimu's opening chapter did none of those things - and that’s the greatest flaw in the entire graphic novel, because even though the book vastly improves from the second chapter onwards I honestly didn’t want to continue beyond the first; if it weren't for the fact that I am reviewing it I would have put the Kuzimu away at that point and written it off entirely. As opening chapters go, that's a truly catastrophic outcome and it betrays the far superior work that comes later on.
There are several parallel plotlines that run through this graphic novel. The primary plot follows Pt’eros as he travels through the limbo world of Kuzimu, encountering and being pursued by various demonic forces he can’t understand; the secondary plot involves human scientists led by Professor J. Knightsbridge who are attempting to break into Kuzimu (although I’m still not entirely sure why); another follows religious fundamentalist spirits who seek to destroy or convert the “heretic” Pt’eros; there's a poor struggling mother in New Orleans; and of them all my favourite character arc follows Jose Zempa, a skeletal mercenary of the underworld, as he spies on Pt’eros. To his credit, Uren has given each character their own distinct voice and as the various threads draw together towards the end of the story the interplay between them provides the dramatic tension that was sorely lacking earlier in the story.
There are far more positive reviews on the web than this one, and if I hadn’t read Kuzimu through in three separate sittings I would probably have assumed that I was simply too tired or too lazy to understand some of what was going on. I applaud Uren’s attempt to achieve something that’s so very different to most comics, and I think his desire to tell the story on his own terms is commendable, butKuzimu is far too esoteric for me. I couldn’t help but wonder whether there’s some secret code or hidden perspective which could unlock the meanings that Uren is undoubtedly trying to convey, yet I can only judge the book on the information I took from its pages. Even towards the end, when the pace of the story picked up and became more obviously dramatic (and enjoyable), the text was often almost impenetrable and seemed to mistake elaboration for genuine complexity.
Despite all of the critical things I’ve said here about Uren’s script, his artistic ability is beyond question. He has a remarkable capacity for dreaming up some truly horrifying monsters and these twisted, grotesque spirit-beings make for some uncomfortable viewing. Similarly the world that Uren has constructed in the pages of Kuzimu is incredibly well designed. Pt’eros moves through a hellishly beautiful environment that’s desolate, cold and imposing. The generally sombre palette is broken up by flashes of rich, vibrant color (often from the demonic monsters) that contrast strongly against heavy inks. Some of Uren’s splash pages are spectacular (particularly in the third and fourth chapters) and I think it’s fair to say that his style noticeably improves as the book progresses. Uren also has a gift for designing layouts which in combination with his vibrant high-contrast style and grotesque figures makes for some stunning pages. Unfortunately for Kuzimu, Uren's incredible artwork can’t carry the story on its own.
I hate giving negative reviews, I really do, but in the case of Kuzimu I see problems that are too significant to gloss over. Uren’s nightmarish illustrations are genuinely impressive and are the standout feature of this book but - however effective the artwork is - I sadly can’t recommend to everyone a graphic novel that is seemingly uninterested in whether or not it can be understood. Too much of the book reads like bad poetry and there are far too many times when Uren’s writing should have been omitted to allow his art to speak for itself. It’s clear that Uren is an extremely talented artist (one who is perfectly suited to making sci-fi and horror stories) and I will be on the lookout for any future work Uren produces. I would be very surprised if Uren didn’t go on to have greater success in the comics medium but - in this reviewer’s opinion - the Kuzimu script does not always make the best possible use of his abilities. My subjective assessment aside, if you enjoy disturbingly monstrous comic art that practically stares back into your skull when you look at it, and don’t mind wading through the treacle of the first few chapters, you’ll surely get a kick out of Kuzimu.
To some it will seem as though given Kuzimu a pretty harsh score but I feel that it’s a fair reflection of the exasperation I felt at times while reading it. I’m no philistine - I understand what that much of the first half of this graphic novel is trying to do, I appreciate that it’s supposed to progress at a meditative pace and I am well practiced in decoding poetic verse - I simply don’t think that its reflections on the afterlife succeeds until real conflict is introduced in the later stages of the book. I’d love to read comments from anyone who found the writing to be as compelling as I did the art (and I'm willing to admit I might have missed out on some crucial aspect of the book which could invalidate everything I've said here) but just as Uren has produced his comic on his own terms, I have got to review it on mine.
Score: 2/5
Writer/Artist/Creator: Brett Uren Publisher: 215 Ink Price: $15.99
From out of nowhere Satanic Hell came on the scene and got me interested with their fish out of water, metal band in the Bible belt story line. But does it have enough shreddage to shout at the Devil? Well does it? In Dallas Texas the powers that be sit and talk about sins, money and what they’re going to do about it. After they settle on their current agenda the talk moves to Satanic Hell. Knowing that the band is populating the minds of the youth the board gives Reverend Shudder the responsibility of taking care of the band.
In San Angelo Texas the band is hitting the stage to play to the crowd. After the show the guys head backstage and conduct an interview with Brimstone quarterly. After the interview the boys gear up and head off to their next date in Dallas. Before the group heads out into town the guys dress up like Bible thumpers to “blend in” with the locals. After a little chat with some faithful followers they head to a private underground club to relax.
Meanwhile Reverend Shudder comes home to his daughter Eva and asks her everything that she knows about a band called Satanic Hell.
Well Satanic Hell had two ways that it could go for its second issue. One, it could delve deeper into the enter workings of the town and really start to another layer of interest or it could give the reader something insane.
Sadly if just felt like more of the same. The issue recycles most of the plot points that were driven home in the first book. Making for a lot of redundancy, which is really too bad because the first issue ended as if it was picking up speed to dive into something special. Not only that but the art feels less detailed and almosted rushed a bit. The panels that show the band preforming look to have little to no detail.
While not as interesting and the first issue, there is still some hope for Satanic Hell. It’s just really hard to tell what this book wants to do. Is it trying to climb a personal soapbox or does it want to raise a social point and control and religion or does it want to be a thriller with super natural overtones? Whichever it decides to be, let’s just hope it gets there soon.
Score: 2/5
Writer: Grigoris Douros Artist: Kevin Enhart Publisher: Zeno Telos Press Price: $.99 Release Date: 08/18/2012
Remember when you saw Phantom Menace and you thought to yourself, “well would you look at that spry and nimble Dathomirian fellow, he seems cool.” Well guess what? He’s back with some fucking robot legs and a brother named Savage and all they do is kick-ass and fuck people up! This is going to be good! In the middle of a full-fledged ass whopping the brothers are greeted by a pair of Jedi, Salmara and her partner that have come to investigate due to the bounty the whole Outer Rim heard of. As the Jedi approach the brothers, they use the olive branch through diplomacy and ask the brothers if they can go easy and just put down their sabers. Stupid Jedi and their let’s be friends crap.
Savage tells them to eat shit and Maul agrees and this triggers a full-scale ass beating lead by the brothers. The brothers loose the upper hand as Savage is tricked with a container of carbonite and becomes incased. In the middle of all of the confusion Dray, the little padawan with the "So-Cal Thrasher haircut" takes a cheap shot and stabs Maul in his robot legs. Maul retunes the favor by taking both of his hands.
Now wounded, Maul flees and passes out on the surface due to his wound. Out cold he is haunted by his personal dark side and failures; mainly his loss to Kenobi that left him with his mangled body.
Now awake in the home of the Trisjon ( the cat-ish type people who Ja’Boag has enslaved to work the mines) Maul calms down as he learns about the rising of the three suns on the planet and how Trisjon and his people may have a way to get his brother Savage back. This idea intrigues Maul and he agrees to train the people for his own private army.
The good thing about this book is easy; Maul and Savage kick all kinds of ass. They’re badasses and this is all we as Star Wars fans want these characters to do. The fact that they added a little angst and self-doubt with Maul and his past is great-- It adds more depth to him and expands him as a character. Also it doesn’t hurt the Bruno Redondo‘s art does the brothers justice. There are a few things that struck me as odd, like the fact that he didn’t cut that stupid ass little padawan’s head off when he stabbed him is beyond me. Also how did that hurt Maul when he got hit in the robot part of his legs? Whatever…
If you’re a Star Wars fan, especially a Maul fan this book will entertain you. If I had to be picky I’d like to see the brothers go on a tear and destroy everything in sight, but hey that’s just me.
Score: 3/5
Writer: Tom Taylor Artist: Bruno Redondo Publisher: Dark Horse Comics Price: $2.99 Release Date: 8/29/12
The first issue of this mini had a pretty strong opening; it successfully set the stage for an interesting story filled with giant robotic animals in a post-apocalyptic world. You’d think that the second issue would continue to move forward with the ground work already done for it, but really it felt like reading the first issue again. Sure it was slightly different, but it starts and ends practically the same way. We open with our Protector fighting a new metal creature that resembles a werewolf of sorts. There are three of them as Maya (you probably forgot her name since it’s not mentioned once in the issue) narrowly defeats them. She walks for a while and comes across what looks like an abandoned shelter. A dust storm kicks up and she runs inside the only building with a door, only to find something she’s never seen before… a light bulb. A stranger jumps her from behind and tells her to leave at once.
The story isn’t bad and neither is the writing, but it’s not any different from the first issue in a lot of ways. The pacing and the beats are about the same; action for six pages, lots of dialog and plot set up, element of danger added and then a cliffhanger. This issue is kind of wasted with the lack of development in anything other than the main plot. Maya’s goal for a magical place that will solve all of her society’s problems isn’t very interesting when she’s just walking around and killing stuff. The other problem is that Maya isn’t developed as a character and we spend the entire issue with her. Also I don't care if she succeeds in her goal or not as she's a long wolf in the society she comes from.
The art is still fantastic, but without the story to move it forward it too suffers from the same problem… it looks the same. Same action sequences, different monsters. I still love the coloring and the details in the pencils strokes, but it’s not enough to save the rest of the book.
We had a great start with the first issue, but now the book has fallen flat. I’ll give it the next issue for sure, but the setup from this issues cliffhanger only gives it one place to go… a six page action sequence. Hopefully this Water World on land story picks up the pace and gives the reader a reason to remember Maya’s name in the next issue.
Score: 3/5
Writer: Kurtis J. Wiebe Artist: Riley Rossmo Publisher: Image Comics and Shadowline Price: $3.50 Release Date: 8/29/12
Rob Liefeld makes the news so we talk about him--he created Deadpool don't cha' know... Justice League makes the news because Superman and Wonder Woman are sucking face on the cover. Add a Sliver Surfer rock opera and you have half of the podcast. The second half is contains the books we read! Great books like Scam, Spider-Men #4, Sumo, Satanic Hell and so much more! CBMFP is GO!
This book is so good that I’m beginning to wonder if Matt Kindt isn’t just fucking with all of us and that he may in fact be able to mind project to everyone with this comic book. Seriously, this book is damn near flawless and I only say that because it’s fun to say. How Kindt manages to tell three stories in every issue is amazing and really the world that he’s built in this series is as massive as our own… which is good since it’s based on ours. Really though, it’s now ours just a reflection of possibilities that could happen to ours and that’s why it’s impressive that the story feels as massive as our own world. Meru has finally found the missing passenger Henry Lyme and as he begins talking to her, she and we as the reader are sucked into his world. We’ve been following Meru throughout the story, but really we’ve been reading Lyme’s narration and watching as he’s in control of the story guiding Meru’s every move. It makes the transition from Meru to Lyme very smooth as we go into Lyme’s origin story.
Lyme’s story begins with him attending a special school after an event at his last school forced his parents to send him away. He quickly finds out that this school is not exactly what it appears to be. It’s for special children like him and has a very different curriculum including: Dream architects, futurists, immortals and creative writing. You should notice that three of those classes are things we’re already familiar with as a reader. The story goes on to follow Lyme’s journey through the school and a prelude to events that lead to where he is now.
What a great origin story; mostly because it’s not finished and secondly because it was so interesting even as it followed a very basic formula to present the information. Kindt’s writing style is very unique as the dialog and story come across like a novel, but the story works perfectly with the comic book format. Kindt completely understands the comic book format and because of that he’s able to use the format’s strengths and hide all of its weaknesses.
The art is so dynamic, so creative and brilliant. When I see Kindt’s work I think of Jeff Lemire, but only because Lemire is a steps behind him. I can’t get over the fact that everything is so simple looking, but so brilliantly laid out that it creates layer after layer with the art. Again, it’s almost as if Kindt is messing with your head as the art seamlessly transitions across the page.
This has become one of those books that its harder and harder to review due to the simple fact that it is so consistently good. How many ways can I say this is one of the best books of the year and will probably be nominated for an Eisner and other industry awards as well because it’s that good. It’s been a great year for comics and an even better year to be a comic reader thanks to books like Mind MGMT.
Score: 5/5
Writer/Artist/Creator: Matt Kindt Publisher: Dark Horse Comics Price: $3.99 Release Date: 8/22/12
So this week we are playing a game! Games are fun, especially when you get Kiss, Kill, Marry your favorite comic book characters!! Oh man this episode is such a hoot! So grab your friends and family and gather around the ol' MP3 playing device and listen to answers you'd never thought you'd hear. This could be the best podcast ever! Even if it's not-- CBMFP is GO! Oh yeah, we read some books too.
This is a very special week here at the CBMFP. We asked you, the beloved fans “What Tears Your Turd Box!” The best part is that you answered! We tackle super hot buttons subjects that piss you guys off. We try to shine our own very special light on the following topics like: The abuse of Kickstarter by comic companies like IDW and Top Cow. The debacle that and poor story telling that was The Amazing Spiderman movie. Then we talk about the wacky comic numbering system and so, so much more! So buckle in and snuggle up because CBMFP is GO!!
If you’re lost in the title of the episode, don’t worry… it’ll all make sense after you listen to it. This week we tackle some news that’s not very pressing but interesting including: The Scott Pilgrim Collector’s Edition dropping this week, then The Dark Knight Returns Part 1 DVD news and lastly the Marvel NOW creative teams and ridiculous teaser titles. From there we talk to Micah Kaneshiro the artist from the first few issues of Aspen Comics Broken Pieces. Be sure to check out Micah’s blog and look for his future projects coming up. We end the way we always do by taking about books we read. From Kevin’s side of things he talks about Idolized #1 which you can’t even read yet! Then a pretty lengthy discussion about Think Tank. From my end I cover Blade of the Immortal vol. 25 and then we both dive into Black Kiss 2 #1. CBMFP is GO!
Roman Dirge’s Lenore returns at a new publisher and with another volume of hilarity. This was my first time reading Lenore, which is a shame since I found the book to be quite good. You can put this series in the “Heard of it, but could never find it” category of comics, but now that I have read it I’m hooked. It appeals to my demented sense of humor and tickles me to my core. The book begins with a great opening from Dirge about how he’s run out of cruel names that children use on the playground and how he’s tempted to pay a child to make up a new annoying act so he’ll have a title for his next volume. It sets the stage for the tone for the rest of the book and is quite humorous. The first chapter starts off with a story entitled Birthday Party, in which Lenore is accidentally invited to a little girls party. Since it’s her first party she’s not really sure what to do and thus her friends Ragamuffin and Wicket aka Pooty, posing as his own cousin, help Lenore get ready.
She picks out her outfit for the party which is a bear costume and a tutu. Ragamuffin (who is the only voice of reason in the story) tells her to change and finally she decides just to wear her usually black dress. In their search for a gift Ragamuffin draws an intricate picture of a pony, while Wicket finds a dead cockroach with a funny look on its dead face... they wrap it with the pony picture. At the party Lenore heads straight for the cake and ends up accidentally killing one of the other kids. They’re all aware of her and the murder of one of their friends, but out of fear they ignore her hoping she’ll go away.
Each chapter of the book has one full Lenore tale, followed by a “Things Involving Me” which is stories of real events that have happened to Dirge; my favorite being the time he was mistaken as a Vampire. After the Birthday Party story the origin of Lenore is revealed and the conclusion of Lenore’s stalker. The final chapter sees the return of Pooty who is mostly absent throughout the book. There is additional one to three page stories that are also very entertaining as well that round out each chapter.
The writing is great and as weird as the stories are the pacing and comedic beats are spot on. Dirge times the jokes just right so that you’re not overloaded. Additionally he keeps the story moving forward even through the jokes. Often times when a creator has been working on a comedic series the story becomes secondary to the comedy, but that is most definitely not the case here. I can see why this series has endured for so long and why its fan base loves it. After the first story I was hooked and ready to go back and read the other books.
The art is great and it’s clear that Dirge has mastered his craft with this series. What really brings the art to life though is the coloring. Colors and lighting give the book a creepy look and yet it’s so bright that it’s inviting. It’s a great color palate that sets the mood and tone for the entire series.
The book is releasing at the end of August and new publisher Titan Books will be releasing new hardcovers for the other three volumes as well. The hardcover is gorgeous and really the best way to go if you’re going to get the book, but it will also be in trade if that’s more of your preference. I was honestly blown away by this series and became a fan instantly. I’m anxiously awaiting the new prints for the other volumes to add to my collection and if you are like me and never got to check this series out, then do so. You can also hear me talk about it more on the most recent podcast.
Score: 5/5
Writer/Artist/Creator: Roman Dirge Publisher: Titan Books Price: $17.99 Release Date: 8/24/12