Episode 138: What Tears Your Turd Box - A Second Tearing

It's the return of What Tears Your Turd Box! This our special episode show where we take a look at your comments on what's bothering you in comics. We cover a little bit of everything. DC stuff, Marvel stuff, indie stuff and just the comic industries habits and annoyances.

Thanks to the following people for submitting their turd box tears!
  • Jason Wilda
  • TFC Network
  • Carl Boehm (our very own Comic Bastard)
  • Nick Philphott (also our very own Comic Bastard)
  • Jon Westhoff
  • Noel Salsiccioli
  • Dan Mendoza/Adrian Rule
  • Steve L.

CBMFP 138

Here's our last two episodes in case you missed them!

Review: Thomas Alsop #1

I don’t know where this series came from, but it feels like it appeared out of nowhere. I didn’t have an inkling of an idea what this series was about, but something about it just looked like it would be familiar. Strangely enough I ended up really liking almost all of it. I’m warming up to one of the main characters, but his initial introduction didn’t leave a lot to like. The story takes place in New York City and we open with Thomas Alsop blogging about himself. He’s drunk and I suppose that excuses him being so annoying. He finally gives us something of substance when he says he’s “Thomas Alsop – Supernatural Detective, The Hand of the Island.” He’s the supernatural protector of New York City and frankly that caught my attention instantly. After showing Thomas’ fame and day job and all that crap we get to his origin which is at least convincingly feed into the story. Since he’s blogging he’s told to constantly remind the audience of his origin or they’ll forget.

The gist is that a relative of his was cursed by a Native American and now the people in his familiar are the “Hand of the Island.” The city talks to them, but not really in a voice, but rather feelings that urge them to go towards events happening in order to prevent something bad.

During a dream Thomas wakes up on a shore in which he normal sees “the lady” a hooded female figure that represents the island/city. He also sees someone else for the first time and it’s his relative Richard Alsop that was originally cursed. They meet each other, but they’re unsure of the “why.”

We then flip over to Richard’s story during the time of the pilgrims and witch trials and all that. His side of the tale was far more interesting as he concludes some business that involves buying some land and then moves on to his “other” business. He’s pushed towards a church where he finds a man praying. He interrupts the man by introducing himself and the man instantly knows who he is. They talk and it’s clear that Richard isn’t there to kill him or anything, but he’s there to give the man a message for his masters that their old evil from the old country will not be allowed into this country. The man laughs it off so Richard burns his tongue out.

It does become clear to the reader why the two Alsop’s are meeting as their events are about to cross paths. I loved the idea of the city/island having a protector and guiding them towards danger that they need to deal with. It was very interesting and writer Chris Miskiewicz executed it perfectly.

Thomas_Alsop_001_coverA copy 2Again I wasn’t a big fan of Thomas’ since he does come off completely full of himself at times. There was a moment in which his girlfriend wanted to watch him, watching his talk show appearance. It felt like filler to the story that wasn’t needed, but hey it might play into things later… maybe. Overall I liked the dialogue more than the narration. The narration could be a bit heavy and I say that understanding that it’s a blog. It didn’t need to be that realistic and it at times was too redundant even though that was the joke. The story line with Richard shined and was definitely the strongest part of the story.

The art is interesting. I didn’t fall in love with it right away. Usually I can tell if I’m going to like a story’s art from the first few panels, but this issue took me a while to warm up to it. I could see the skills and the craft, but it never grabbed me. It’s good and supports the story very well, but I need to see more to really decide. I liked the fact that when we see Thomas at different points in his life his facial hair has changed. That definitely made him feel like a real character, but the downside is that his age looks different each time as well. The art was also better for the second half of the story than the first as the overall style complimented the past better than the future.

I was surprised by this issue. I didn’t know what to expect, but the concept quickly won me over and the rest managed to build past my initial interest. For a first issue it stumbles some, but overall it introduces the reader to the world that isn’t forced or annoying and leaves the reader wanting more. I have a feeling this first issue only skims the surface of the story and that the next issue will dive in deeper. I’ll be back to find out and hopefully you will be too.

Score: 4/5

Writer: Chris Miskiewicz Artist: Palle Schmidt Publisher: Boom Studios Price: $3.99 Release Date: 6/18/14 Format: Mini-Series, Print/Digital

Review: Witchfinder – The Mysteries of Unland #1

Never having the opportunity to read a Witchfinder story previously, I was quite excited at checking out a corner of the Mignolaverse that I’ve never ventured. That said I was pretty clueless on what to expect and missed the fact that it starred Edward Grey. I was excited to read this story, but I didn’t want to hype myself up too much in case it was the dark horse (excuse the pun) of the Mignolaverse. The opening of the issue is admittedly slow, but it establishes the era in which the story is taking place. That’s actually very important because it gives context to the dialogue later on in the story. Grey is sulking in a morgue having been called in on a murder. He feels like he’s being treated like a beat detective and it’s clear that in his opinion that’s beneath his skills. The rest of the people in the morgue are working on a dead body of a man who went to inspect the factory that makes an elixir that’s growing in popularity across England. The company Poole has applied for a Royal Warrant which would basically be the royal seal of approval and sky-rocket their sales, but even though the Queen is drinking the stuff they don’t just hand out the seal without inspection.

Of course there’s foul play on the dead inspector, but the clues presented are confusing and don’t match up with one another. Also they’ve found unusual and unidentifiable animalcules in the elixir. Grey finally throws a fit and asks what he’s supposed to be doing about an average murder. They tell him that he’s heading to the factory to inspect it and solve the murder to which he begrudgingly accepts the task for.

Grey arrives to the town of Hallam and is greeted by a manager that works at Poole and the Constable. Now here’s where it’s important to remember the era and also the setting. It’s England so everyone is annoyingly polite when they want to be anything but. Grey is given an awkward tour and the entire time you can pretty much tell there’s something not right about the town and these two men. Even stranger when they arrive at the hotel in which the dead man’s body was found, the owner cleaned up the room and Grey comments that they must have solved the case if they already tidy up the room. Again, nothing seems right about this place especially since the town’s founder and elixir creator destroyed what were once marshlands because his son died in them.

That cracked me up, but people’s motivations have been stranger. Still, destroying a marshland in vengeance for what could just be bad parenting is funny to me.

Witchfinder Mysteries of Unland #1 Cover copy 2Overall I enjoyed this story. You can tell that it’s not Mignola writing it, but there’s still a vibe to it. The characters are chattier and there’s more exposition be it intentional for their creepiness of the story. I can see some people not grasping the era and wondering why they’re even bother with something labelled as an elixir which are historically snake oil B.S., but I enjoyed Grey. His “sunny” disposition was enjoyable and a change of pace for the Mignolaverse. Whereas everyone else has baggage or some destiny they have to save or stop, Grey just seemed annoyed that he had to deal with anyone.

What keeps this book feeling the most like a Mignolaverse title is artist Tyler Crook, a regular on B.P.R.D. and the M-verse in general. Crook and colorist Dave Stewart of course make the book look at home. So much so that the unfamiliar may not even realize that it’s not Mignola and one of his normal co-plotters working on the series. Crook gives the entire issue a creepy vibe. When Grey hits the town of Hallam it has that creepy small town vibe and what makes it worse is the era it’s set in. Nothing action wise happens in those scenes, but it’s unnerving all the same.

I was pleasantly surprised by this issue and will be finishing the mini for sure. It’s at home with the rest of the Hellboy gang, but it’s different enough that it doesn’t come across as more B.P.R.D. Even if you’re not a Mignolaverse reader and you just like creepy mysteries that involve the supernatural, I would highly recommend this issue. To answer my question about this series being a dark horse, the answers is neigh (another pun, I know its nay).

Score: 4/5

Writers: Kim Newman and Maura McHugh Artist: Tyler Crook Colorist: Dave Stewart Publisher: Dark Horse Comics Price: $3.50 Release Date: 6/18/14 Format: Mini-Series, Print/Digital

Review: The Last Broadcast #2

I’m digging this story. I was surprised by the first issue and I think a lot of other readers were as well. This second issue doesn’t exactly take off running, but it certainly continues to lay a solid foundation for what looks to be a rather complex story. There are elements introduced in this issue that you won’t see coming and they only made me want to read more of The Last Broadcast. Don’t let the opening of this issue scare you, we don’t have the context to understand it yet. It’s there to plant seeds for the rest of the story and to make you ask questions, just make sure you’re paying attention for when the answers are given later on. After the shock opening we pick up back in the hospital room with Ivan and the nurse that is so totally not a nurse. She’s wearing a classic black dress and we discover her name is Ella. They chat for a few as Ivan asks how she knew he was a magician and gives him some of the things they found on him when he was brought in, including a tape recorder.

After Ella leaves, Ivan begins listening to one of the tapes to piece together the events that led him to the hospital bed. It’s very clever because it jumps the story ahead slightly, but fills the reader in at the same time. We know that Dmitri is “missing” and this sent Ivan on a path to find him and figure out the pictures that were sent to him pertaining to Blackhall.

Ivan ends up at a rare books bookstore and the owner is a loon. He shouts out something about Conan Doyle being a fanatic rather than greeting Ivan like a normal person. Ivan asks if he’s seen Dimitri and the dude seems to be living in his own world. Ivan shows him the picture and the old man smiles. He finds a water mark of sorts on the picture and prints it off for Ivan. He also gives him a random book that he was babbling about that Doyle apparently wrote that unlocks the secret returning to life after death.

Afterwards he sees a hooded figure wearing the watermarked image on their hoodie and begins chasing them. He loses them right outside of a door that bears the same mark.

Last_Broadcast_002_cover copy 2Well I’ll definitely be finishing this series now. I didn’t even need the cliffhanger at the end, but it was pretty cool. Andre Sirangelo has taken care to make sure that this graphic novel could stand alone as individual chapters. This issue stands on its own for sure and continues the story from the first chapter. We get a better idea of the characters in this issue which balances the thrill and story setup from the first issue. The pacing is steady and I really hope that it doesn’t change because the story is rewarding and yet over in nothing flat. I couldn’t tell you how long it took me to read it, but I didn’t feel cheated by pages like other comics.

There’s no denying that the art is playing a huge role in the success of this series. Artist Gabriel Iumazark has Ashley Wood qualities to his art, but then almost an anime flair as well. Ivan and other male characters in the story have effeminate designs, but it works with the rest of the world. In a strange way it makes Ivan look younger than the other male characters which I think plays into the story.

The mystery of this series is what will keep most people coming back and that’s certainly the most interesting aspect of the story. I have high hopes that it’ll finish strong, but if you haven’t even begun reading then get on it. It’s not sold out so you should be able to request it from your comic shop at the very least or you can always go the digital option. For me it’s becoming one of my favorite books to follow and it’s a pleasant reminder of the quality of titles that Archaia has been known for. I’m not seeing a lot new Archaia books coming down the pipeline, but there is a vibe and quality to them that is solely their own. Hopefully this gives the imprint a much-needed boost.

Score: 4/5

Writer: Andre Sirangelo Artist: Gabriel Iumazark Publisher: Archaia/Boom Price: $3.99 Release Date: 6/18/14 Format: Mini-Series/OGN, Print/Digital

Review: Eye of Newt #1

I like wizards and dragons which made me an easy mark for Eye of Newt. As long as there was some inkling of a story I would have been fine, but the story surprised me by crafting an interesting world and making the main character one that you want to follow on their journey. The story stars with Newt day dreaming that he’s a dragon. It really shows how young he is and his childish nature. After that though, the story throws you in as he travels with his master an older veteran wizard. They’re traveling through a forest called “The Gloom.” It’s enchanted of course and not really just a forest as its home to many creatures and its path’s lead everywhere. Newt’s master is preparing him for his test to become a sorcerer and needs to show him which door to go through. Eventually they make it there and Newt even gets to ride on an actual dragon which is the highlight of his life it seems.

His master leaves him at the door and tells him to try and find the path back, but if he gets lost to use his wizardly powers to call for him. When he’s left alone though, a creature named Grint finds him. He gives newt the fairy queen’s crown and tells him what the crown will do for him. He tells him he needed to give it to someone with Newt’s heart in order for it to be returned. He also gives him a piece of information, there was a witch and her disciple standing in front of the same door a few days earlier.

I’m going to leave the story there, but there’s actually a lot more going on. It’s a story with a lot of depth and there’s also a bit of mystery going on as well. The master doesn’t know why Newt has been picked for his trials at such a young age, but it worries him. Newt is keeping a secret by not telling him about the crown, but then the animals he’s talking to seem to think that it’s okay for him not to or at least they continue to help him when he’s in trouble.

Eye of Newt #1 Cover copy 2The story is impressive. This world has a lot of mystery to it, but it’s captivating. As the reader you just want to explore more and more. With as much of the world that is explained, wizard trials and rival witches, there are still questions to be answered. Why do the wizards and witches war? Why do they do the same trail if they oppose each other? That’s the best part of the story because by the time you’re done reading you actually have a lot of knowledge of this imaginary land, but really you’ve barely scratched the surface.

The issue doesn’t use traditional comic book panels. Most of the pages are set up as a complete page and then smaller panels lying on top of the page. It gives it a storybook look that works well with the setting. Each page is very detailed and looks like a mini-masterpiece. I don’t think I’ve seen a style like Michael Hague’s in the interior of a comic before, but it works quite well.

The impression I have is that this is going to be a great little mini-series. It’s clear that Hague has a finite story to tell with the mini, but he’s putting in the work to make sure that its worth being invested in. Currently, I’m invested and can’t wait to check out the next issue and peel back the veil a little more. If you like fantasy stories then this is a must read.

Score: 4/5

Writer/Artist/Creator: Michael Hague Publisher: Dark Horse Comics Price: $3.99 Release Date: 6/18/14 Format: Mini-Series, Print/Digital

Review: Naja

Naja is probably one of, if not the best hit-man/assassin storylines I’ve ever read. The thing about Naja is that while it’s based in a fantasy world in which assassins are ranked and there’s huge untouchable crime families, there’s also a degree of realism that’s absent from a lot of assassin stories. The problem is always that the story begins based heavily in reality and then fades into the fantastic, but that’s not the case here. Naja is the same from beginning to end and it’s a better story because of it. Naja isn’t just the name of the story, but it’s also the name of our main character. There’s actually a Kill Bill style name cover up in which we’re kept from learning the main characters real name, so Naja it is. We find her as she lands in France and prepares for her next job. It’s a quick job as she’s in and out from a very public assassination. As she kills, our narrator describes her to us. That she doesn’t smile and can’t feel pain or really anything at all. Her escape plan is all mapped out for her by her handler Zero. She’s never met him, but he sets up the jobs for her from beginning to end. She just needs to follow instructions and everything will work out.

After her job she heads to her home in Iceland. She lives there because she hates people and it’s the least populated place to live. That’s right; Naja is a woman after my own heart. She calls it a night, but as she’s sleeping we see someone watching her in her room. She wakes up and catches a glimpse of the man and begins to attack. The problem is that he’s better than her and eventually he knocks her out. When she wakes up again she’s in restraints. The man begins talking to her, telling her not to bother trying to place his face. He’s unknown, but he knows her and Zero’s entire operation. Then he drops a bombshell on her, he knows that she’s going to die soon because number one wants her dead.

In Zero’s organization there’s a hierarchy and right now Naja is the number three killer. He spouts more information and places one thing in her mind… doubt. She’s never doubted Zero before. The mystery man then leaves her restrained like that for hours before telling the police to come help her. Now Naja has to decide what to do now that she doesn’t have Zero for help and has number one after her.

The catch is that our mystery man tells number two and number one the same thing he told Naja. From there the mystery unfolds with more reveals and truths that Naja could never have known about.

Writer JD Morvan said in an interview with me that the concept started as:

“When the number 1 killer of an organization has a contract out on number 2, how does the number 3 killer react?”

Now the idea grew and changed from there, but the basic premise is there and works. His story is layered very well. You never really feel like you know everything that’s going on until the very end. Every reveal just leads to more questions. The strength comes from the narration as well which is from the POV of one of the characters. I won’t say which one since that’s a surprise revealed while reading, but the amount of info they have on every character in the story makes total and complete sense.

As I said Morvan keeps everything realistic. Naja doesn’t get a free pass on anything. If she needs to leave the country she has to figure out how to do it legally. At one point she has to abandon all of her finances so that Zero can’t see what she’s doing and so she robs an armored truck. She treats the money like trash as she just uses it to do what she needs to and really has no concept of what a lot of money is and that never changes. It’s just not important to her.

NAJA coveronly copy 2Morvan shines with Naja’s backstory which at first comes off a little pointless, but that’s the genius as it actually ends up playing a huge role in everything that’s come since. Her childhood, the accident that took away her ability to feel pain and everything after. It’s all connected in a brilliant way.

This story is nothing without the art. Bengal’s wonderful anime inspired artwork has a solid European look to it. It’s gorgeous. The line work, the coloring, it all works together to make a story that looks animated. It looks like it could move on the page at any moment.

With this being a story about assassin’s there are many aspects of the art that are important. The action of course is the biggest aspect. Bengal’s artwork flows wonderful making every action sequence not only easy to follow, but visually entertaining as well. Each action sequence is intense, but no two are the same. It’s impressive, but Bengal manages to present each gun fight differently keeping it from being a wash and repeat.

The other major aspect is the settings. This story spans the globe for sure and Bengal brings each location to life. Each city visited is realistic, but fits the story. He’s pushed to the max with this story, but he delivers each and every time.

This book as a little of everything: travel, assassins, mobsters, prison breakouts and plenty of action. It’s a complete story that has excellent pacing and mystery that will keep you guessing and interested all the way to the very end. If you like even a fraction of what I’ve covered in my review than be sure to check out this gorgeous book. You won’t regret it.

Score: 5/5

Writer: JD Morvan Artist: Bengal Publisher: Magnetic Press Price: $29.99 Format: OGN, Print

Review: Edge of Tomorrow

Written by Guest Contributor: Jefferey Pinkos An alien race of unstoppable killing machines has invaded Earth, and yet all we can talk about is a TV weatherman who had one hell of a day back in 1993.  Certainly Doug Liman’s actioner Edge of Tomorrow borrows the language and structure of Harold Ramis’ Groundhog Day, but the concept belongs entirely to video games.

His mission —regardless of whether he chooses to accept it —is to rid Earth of the scourge of these damn bastard alien bugs.  Sure enough, first time out dude gets fragged; respawning instantaneously at his last save-point back at the base he woke up at to get Southerned at again by Bill Paxton.

All of which yields an interesting dramatic dilemma.  Say you’re like me and you’re replaying Dishonored for the umpteenth time.  You have been here dozens of times before.  Now you know the layout, you know who goes where when.  You anticipate reaction, you know shortcuts.  By all intents and purposes you’ve achieved God mode.  (Interesting note: “I’m a god.  I’m not the god, I don’t think.”—Groundhog Day’s Phil Connors.)  This is cheating.  Death loses its dramatic spark once it loses meaning.

Edge of TomorrowFortunately, the writers have found some interest byways around that.  There’s a fabulous, funny training sequence that embraces the silliness of the concept: broken leg, “no, I’m okay,”death; broken arm, “no, I-,”death; “stop, please, really,”fuckin’death.  Plus, the writers understand that it’s cheating.  The alien beasts are on hard mode — knowing the future before the battle, a handy means of introducing and contextualizing the concept —so it’s fair-ish.

But Blunt reveals she had it previously, and lost it; sure enough, before the boss battle, Cruise loses it, a transparent move to up the stakes.  It’s occasionally interesting, breathlessly paced, transparent a B-level movie but it; ets the concept pull the weight of otherwise unremarkable action.  Put simply, it’s probably the best video game movie out there, something that isn’t that high a hurdle to jump.

Score: 3/5

Director: Doug Liman Writer: Christopher McQuarrie and Jez Butterworth & John-Henry Butterworth Studio: WB/Village Road Show Run Time: 113 mins Release Date: 6/6/14

Review: Unity #8

I think I missed a review for Unity, but that’s okay we’re in “Armor Hunters” territory now! I was curious to see how this series would handle the event since it’s tied-in, but it’s not requiring you to have read Armor Hunters proper. That is to say that this issue of Unity recaps basically all of the events of Armor Hunters #1 and even expands on them. The story structure for this issue wasn’t the best. The opening page is more confusing than anything. I understood that it’s picking up with the last thing seen in Armor Hunters, but then when the story goes back to it from another perspective it confuses the timeline. Based on the events of AH we saw the Hunters destroy the suits in Russia and then destroy Mexico City, but here it makes it seem like the two events happen at the same time rather than one after the other. That could just be how time is perceived in comics, but then you have to keep that in mind that readers are going to perceive it that way and your story will look out of order.

Unity apparently needs to be a four member group at all times which is cool because that means they always need to replace the missing fourth member. This time around it’s Bloodshot! I actually really liked this. Kindt’s take on the character was somewhere between Batman and the Punisher. I’m not kidding that’s the best way to describe him in this issue and it’s very enjoyable.

The flip side of course pairs Ninjak and Gilad who have become the odd couple of the book. Ninjak is a right bastard and I love to hate him. He never, never, fucking listens to Gilad and it’s so annoying, but it’s one of the things that makes his character great. Also Kindt gives him some killer one-liners so it’s hard to really hate him. “We’re going to need a bigger team” put a ridiculously big grin on my face.

The story is similar to Armor Hunters which is okay. I enjoy reading crossovers that really cover the entire timeline, though I would advise that it’s handled tighter in the future to avoid confusion. There’s still a different story being told here which makes it worth the purchase, but it’s a tie-in book. It reminded me a lot of when Marvel and DC did good tie-in books, ones that didn’t require you to read the event to actually get the full understanding and that’s what Kindt has managed to do here as he shows the audience that Armor Hunters affects everything.

UNITY_008_VARIANT_HAIRSINE copy 2For the art I only had two problems and one is minor; Livewire’s shirt looks like a cheap sweater rather than the bad-ass suit she’s had previously. She looked like the odd man out and Bloodshot could have used a shirt, but I’m not counting that as one. The other one was the details on Gilad’s face. It’s something that’s plagued this series from the beginning regardless of the artist. No one wants to draw this dude’s face and when they do there’s too much focus on the scars. In his introduction in Archer & Armstrong he looked like a young dude with a cool functional leather suit. Now he looks like an old man and is constantly rocking a hoodie. He’s another I can’t take seriously because of his design in this series. Other than that it’s a great looking issue.

I know a lot of people wonder why Armor Hunters and Unity exist at the same time, but they’re covering different aspects of the universe. AH is the traditional big event book delivering intense scenes and universe changing situations, while Unity is the personal touches that strengthens those changes and will continue to build the unity (pun not intended but appreciated) of the Valiant Universe. Don’t write this series off, it’s still a dynamite aspect of the Valiant Universe.

Score: 4/5

Writer: Matt Kindt Artist: Stephen Segovia Publisher: Valiant Comics Price: $3.99 Release Date: 6/18/14 Format: Ongoing, Print/Digital

Review: MPH #2

The first issue didn’t win me over much. I didn’t hate it, but at this point in my life I’ve read enough of Mark Millar’s stuff to know how this is going to go. And it does that. Eighty percent of this issue is spent with Roscoe, his girlfriend and his friend basically just fucking around. No exaggeration. There are two moments of revenge as Roscoe comes and fucks over his former boss and mentor. It could have been great except for the fact that the speed is never shown. I don’t know if this was something that Duncan Fegredo chose on his own or if Mark Millar was involved in the decision, but it sucks. I’m not saying that there needs to be lightning bolts or some other comic book cliché, but when you represent the super speed with jumps cuts alone… it’s boring to look at and doesn’t translate.

I honestly thought it was going to be more like what Steve had suggested on our podcast and that they were actually manipulating time, but then they show them running. Even then it’s a still frame, no trail of dust or anything like that. They run, but it doesn’t affect anything around them unless it’s convenient to the story. Their clothing is also perfectly fine and never affected by the insane speed they’re supposedly traveling at. The extremely strange part to me is that for the most part they look like they’re walking and yet we’re told they travel from L.A. to N.Y. in four hours. I just think that the way it’s shown makes it seem like they’re still experiencing normal time, just that everyone else isn’t. I would be pretty bored running that far if I experienced everything in real-time and was the only one. That's just another problem with the super speed in this story, it's not consistently represented.

They also stop at a fucking Taco Bell and have one of everything on the menu. If this is an indication of their appetite due to the speed it’s never properly addressed. And did they make the food because I doubt they would wait and it’s not like Taco Bell has one of everything on the menu still chillin’ waiting for super speed douchebags to come by.

MPH02_CoverB copy 2The other super annoying thing is that Roscoe has had some time on the junk, but his girlfriend instantly knows how go at normal speed to beat up some gang bangers and boast about it. Here’s my problem, this book loves its detailed expositions describing everything that the characters are doing and experiencing and yet it doesn’t explain how they’re able to go at a normal speed while still under the effects of the pills.

Another super shitty thing is that the issue ends with practically the same cliffhanger! And it was already obvious in the first issue so it didn’t need to be teased again.

There was one thing I want to point out about the story, it's not so much what happens here, but here it's going. It's obvious that Roscoe's friend is the one that actually set him up to be with his girlfriend... it's painfully obvious and just lame storytelling. It's the oldest trick in the book for crime stories and its never interesting. You can do better Millar... well you used to be able to do better.

I’m bagging on this book because it’s all about super speed and yet it reads at a snail’s pace. If you’re going to make a book about super speed that needs to come across on the page and again I’m not talking lightning bolts or paper’s flying off the desk. There’s many ways to show super speed, but this comic chose to make jump cuts. Moving the character from one frame to the next is how a comic normally reads… so it’s not special when that’s how you represent speed.

MPH is boring. It’s a boring fucking book and if you think I didn’t tell you anything about the issue I’ve actually told you everything. Roscoe’s revenge, his girlfriend’s revenge, the trio running, stupid ass cliffhanger… that’s the entire issue; that and more of Millar thinking that he’s writing unique and interesting dialogue, when it’s actually trite. Pure fucking trite and that’s why there’s four covers, to squeeze as much money from fans as possible before they figure it out for themselves.

Score: 1/5

Writer: Mark Millar Artist: Duncan Fegredo Publisher: Image Comics Price: $2.99 Release Date: 6/18/14 Format: Mini-Series, Print/Digital

I Think We Can All Agree This Wonder Woman Shirt Is Hideous

I own five Wonder Woman shirts so it's not that I don't wear shirts with the character. In fact I'm always looking for new ones which is what led me to this one... it's the worst thing I've ever seen and it's not the drawing of Wonder Woman though I find that to be over sexualized; no its the fucking tie dye bullshit that's on it. What the hell were they thinking? Please don't support ugly crap like this... they'll only make more. Wonder-Woman-Warrior-Goddess-Adult-Shirt

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Kotobukiya Is Making A Black and Gold Iron Man Statue

I'm not a fan of the story line that lead up to Tony Starks receiving this color armor, but I do like the fucking armor. It's cool looking and it'll be perfect for when he turns "heel" in Avengers & X-Men: Axis. Kotobukiya is also making a classic Red & Gold in the exact same design, but I figured we've seen that enough. This bad boy is available in December. Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (1) Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (2) Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (3) Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (4) Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (5) Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (6) Kotobukiya - Iron Man Black and Gold (7)

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Darkstalkers Morrigan Statue Has Boobies That You'll Notice

I remember Morrigan having big boobies, but not that big. I think they've taken some liberties in the chest department, but it's to be expected considering she's one of two characters I can actually name from that franchise and it's because of her sex appeal. The prototype for this statue has been floating around for a while, but here it is in all it's full color glory. It's going to run you about $90 bucks which isn't too bad. Capcoms-Newest-Morrigan-Statue-Is-Very-Busty-1-tn

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Sunset Overdrive Takes A Shot At Ubisoft's Lack of Females Assassins

Ubisoft caught a lot of flak during/after E3 when their latest edition of Assassin's Creed offered four player co-op, but that they had to cut the female characters because of a lack of resources. I mean I take that as the team getting the whip cracked on them to make their yearly deadline for the series, but fans took it as a slap in the face and a step back for the series. I should clarify that it is a set back and a bigger one as they cut multiplayer as well. It sounds like this game is going to be skin and bones and I'm sure the jump in technology plays a factor, but that's why the yearly release of game franchises needs to take a step back when new consoles are introduced. Well the team over at Insomniac games decided they would use this info to point out that players could fully customize their characters in Sunset Overdrive and could even give them a familiar look which you can see below. Let me say that out of the two games I'm only looking forward to the one that allows me to customize. If the video embedded properly you should start at the female character part, but if not just go to 1:30.

http://youtu.be/zlyvRqpErZo?t=1m30s

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NSFW: Devil's Cheerleaders Statue

Okay yes this statues is over the top sexy, but looking at it I couldn't help but appreciate the craftsmanship of the statue. There's a lot of details from the way her socks cut into her thighs or just the way her shoes look worn down. It is coming from Japan so of course it's weird and overly sexual, just look at the flesh-colored tail... that part kind of made me sick it's so un-natural looking. At the end of the day... bamf. This statue is going to be about $147 bucks and you'll have to just check their site for when the store starts taking pre-orders at the very end of July, but it is shipping in November. t01

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Trailer Time: The Judge with Robert... Duvall!

Ha, ha, okay Robert Downey Jr. is in it as well. Come on now, you know I heart RDJR. My first impression of the poster was that Downey was returning to more serious type of acting, then I saw the opening of the trailer and that changed my mind. Then I finished the trailer and was like "it's somewhere in-between!" Then I realized that I should keep my emotions in check until I've viewed something 100%. Sad face.  It looks good and you know who is also good? Robert Duvall. That dude just gets better and better. Here's the shit! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBvK6ni97W8#t=36

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